One of the key challenges frum families face is coming up with small fortunes to pay for simchas. It’s a sad reality that life’s greatest milestones may be marred by the economic pressures of paying for them. Chasunos and related costs alone will typically cost tens of thousands, with some families spending well into the six figures. Now multiply that by X number of children, K”H. Even couples earning substantial incomes struggle to accumulate these gargantuan sums.
Thankfully, Covid-19 Is History
Some say just don’t do it. After all, during Covid, weddings cost virtually nothing. To me, this simplistic line is an impractical fig leaf. Most frum families won’t cut simcha spending to nothing, nor would most Rabbanim recommend doing so. So let’s talk tachlis. Here’s a five-step approach to planning for and containing simcha expenditures.
Step 1. Save Up
Rabbi Moshe Hauer Shlita of Baltimore often quips that a bar mitzvah isn’t a surprise party. Neither are the realities of children’s weddings, even if we don’t know precisely the date they will IMYH take place in advance. While it’s hard to put away money on a regular basis, doing so over the long run, month in and month out, dramatically relieves the burden of having to come up with a substantial lump sum in one go.
A decent target is to put away $100 a month per child. Without any investment growth, that would equal $24,000 accumulated per child over 20 years. And at 8% compounded via a solid mutual fund, that prutah prutah miztaref totals almost $60,000. You can tweak these amounts based on how much you estimate you might spend, and the age you begin saving for a particular child, but the concept is clear. Steady saving and investment can reduce or even eliminate simcha spending angst.
Step 2. Socialize Right
More nebulous than concrete savings plans, but perhaps more important, is deciding well in advance which social circles you will plant yourself and your family into. It is extremely difficult to buck social trends, and the spending disparities between different cliques are vast.
If you don’t want to spend fortunes on your brissim, vach nachts, bar mitzvos, and weddings, you shouldn’t become tightly enmeshed with those who do. The financial ramifications of these decisions and habits over your lifetime may be significant. This step and the prior one are long-term endeavors that will make a huge difference in helping you limit the size of the bill and how much money will be available to you.
Step 3. Spend Selectively
As the simcha approaches, you need to maximize spending where it matters to you and other decision-makers (i.e., spouse, chosson/ kallah, bar mitzvah bochur, and mechutanem). If you allow the momentum of excitement to carry you forward without any spending discipline, costs can easily double, triple, or quadruple!
You have a limited number of dollars, and it’s important to make each one count. Every significant simcha expenditure should be considered and weighted. It’s your simcha, so choose the ultimate bang for the buck as YOU define it. Perhaps you can eliminate printed invitations entirely or choose less ornate options. That decision can free up more money for upgrading the food menu, flowers, or wedding gifts. Do you want to include a community-wide dessert reception if you are also having a Shabbos kiddush? And so on. Trimming in one area opens up opportunities to spend elsewhere without busting your budget.
Step 4. Size Right
One key driver of simcha expenses is simply the number of people invited to an affair. As families and communities grow K”H, invitation lists can easily mushroom into hundreds or even thousands of people! Do they all need (or want) to be invited to your child’s bar mitzvah? Trimming the guest list also enables balei simcha to make an upscale event at a reasonable cost. And considering the number of invitations people get, those on the receiving end may actually be glad to avoid spending an evening listening to your father-in-law’s family jokes. Again, it’s a tradeoff. Some may be glad to sacrifice the quantity of guests for the quality of food, decor, and other expenditures. Others may feel a simple large affair is the better option. Be thoughtful about your preferences.
Step 5. Shop Around
Finally, whatever you decide to spend on, old-fashioned comparison shopping can save you a ton of money. You might be able to buy a lightly used gown for a fraction of the price. One musician or hairstylist may charge literally 75% less than the other simply because they are not as busy, or, frankly, just less pushy about squeezing out every dollar. The combination of being selective about what you spend money on, who you spend on, and how many people you invite, as well as shopping around, will be the difference between a $50,000 price tag and a $150,000 one!
I Learned the Hard Way
By the way, I learned some of these lessons the hard way. For my second son’s bris, I went all out on the invitation list, venue, and food menu. I did not shop around between caterers, nor did I consider that this being the first day of school, many of those invited would be unable to make it.
Trust Your Better Half
It was bizyonos, and the bill was gargantuan. The hall was empty, and vast quantities of food went to waste! I think very few people would make the same mistake, but it does drive home the lesson that you can save a boatload of money with proper simcha planning. I also learned to leave such details to my wife!
And Smile
I hope this article is helpful to you. But, whatever happens financially, B”H, somehow, the simcha will move forward. Remember to thank Hashem and enjoy every minute. The cost may be higher than you’re comfortable with, but every simcha is priceless.
Want to dig deeper?
Try these related articles
Simcha Savings: How to Grow Your Stash