One unique aspect of Purim is the boundless efforts expended on tzedakah collections and donations. Many of us take it for granted, but this frenzied yet cheery spectacle is truly a singular phenomenon.
A relative of mine involved in kiruv efforts took a talmid of his to simply watch the Purim comings and goings at one of Lakewood’s significant balei tzedakah. The mekurav watched in awe as this gvir exuberantly hosted and donated to an endless stream of petitioners of all types and stripes. It was a mindblowing visualization of our community’s intense devotion and achdus.
Perhaps because we’re accustomed to it, many people are clueless when dealing with fundraising from rich people, Purim, or any day. The gabba’ei tzedakah of some of klal Yisrael’s gevirim say they’ve seen it all, from the guy who called a gvir a cheapskate at his own daughter’s wedding, to another who continually missed appointments, to those who present ostentatious displays of obviously false flattery.
Understandably, collectors may feel awkward and overwhelmed, and believe they must do their utmost to get their due attention. However, some common sense would make the process more pleasant and efficient.
Here are some thoughts a gabbai tzedakah told me he wished all people knew about gevirim.
Gevirim Have Feelings, Too
Rich people are regular human beings who wish to be treated with basic courtesy. Perhaps they develop a thicker skin than most, but they are never impervious to those who insult them, take them for granted, or ignore their basic need for privacy. While giving large amounts of tzedakah forces many donors into the limelight, this is usually something they bear as part of their responsibility, not a thrill they seek.
They aren’t necessarily interested in being surrounded by a crowd of admirers in the coffee room and can quickly detect those who praise them insincerely. At best, these hollow efforts are ignored, and occasionally, a philanthropist may limit his interest in assisting those demeaning him in this way. On the other hand, a simple but heartfelt thank-you note can go a long way in giving chizuk to donors who care very much about the causes they support.
Gevirim Have Lives—Very Hectic ones, Actually
Most significant donors have established practices for when, where, and how they accept solicitations. But many solicitors decide the rules don’t apply to their VIP yeshivah, kollel, or personal needs. While collectors chafe at barriers placed in their way, following a process is the only way the most generous givers can function.
The super-rich tend to have highly demanding business obligations—a gabbai tzedakah related to me that he witnessed a gvir committing to a $50,000 donation while literally panting from the exertion of juggling phones to finalize a massive real estate closing! Business owners also struggle to carve out time for their families, Torah learning, and other personal commitments. When multiplied by tens or hundreds, requests for “just five minutes” would completely consume the lives of gevirim unless they stick to a process. Help the donors help you by adhering to their instructions.
Gevirim Have Financial Limits
The fact that someone donates millions annually to tzedakah doesn’t mean he can write you a massive check. In this world, everything has limitations, and gevirim prioritize their giving based on halachic guidelines, personal obligations, and sometimes just their preferences. Often, the breakdown of a gvir’s two million dollars of annual donations is something like:
- $500,000 x 1 to his brother’s kollel
- $100,000 x 5 to other mosdos he has a personal obligation to
- $10,000 x 50 to significant organizations and requests from rabbanim or askanim
- $1,000 x 300 to miscellaneous vetted aniyim and organizations
- $200 x 1,000 to whomever
Merubim tzarchei amcha—although a tremendous sum of money is distributed, very few can get six- or seven-figure donations. Placing unreasonable demands on a potential donor is a frustrating waste of time for all involved.
Gevirim Can Experience Downturns
Occasionally, even the wealthiest can experience a cash crunch requiring them to drastically reduce their giving. It takes money to make money, often including borrowing vast sums and taking significant risks. When a new venture becomes a financial drain, every spare penny is thrown at it, hurting a rich person’s cash flow and placing tremendous strain on him. That an organization got money in the past doesn’t create a perpetual chiyuv, and the last thing a generous but strapped donor needs is a guilt trip.
Bad middos are also bad for the fundraising business, as gevirim have the right to decide where to send their hard-earned dollars. If an organization or nitzrach displays a lack of middos as they pursue donations, they shouldn’t be surprised when they are placed at the back of the line when the temporary downturn is over.
Tzedakah Is a Two-Way Street
While they may enjoy their ability to afford a luxurious life easily, the greatest pleasure of most wealthy frum people is their ability to help others. They know that their fortune is a gift to be shared and they take their stewardship of this obligation very seriously. But just as gevirim are expected to give with seichel and sensitivity, the collectors are expected to respond in kind. Do your thing. Make your pitch. And then graciously accept whatever is sent your way.
Thanks to the various gabba’ei tzedakah who provided input for this article. Your dedication to the klal is amazing.
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