A painful reality settles in at some point for many couples. Leaving kollel or klei kodesh often causes a drop in financial security. Adding another taxable salary generally means that family support, communal assistance, and government safety nets fall away. But the next shock hits a few years further down the line because even after hitting peak earnings, many jobs don’t pay enough to cover all the bills a typical frum family faces. Even well-credentialed, savvy employees working as accountants, therapists, programmers, administrators, etc. will usually bump into salary ceilings, which, though relatively high, are not high enough.
What Am I Doing Wrong?
Often, people who hit this stage ask themselves what they are doing wrong. Everyone else seems to be doing fine or even very well, while they live simply and work hard at well-paying jobs and still don’t make it.
So, what’s going on? The answer, often, is life. Even though the average frum couple earns well above median household incomes, our cost of living is much higher. Between large families, tuition, kosher food, and living in expensive localities, frum life comes with extra financial challenges. Even people who do everything right can feel constantly strapped for cash.
I don’t want to belabor the challenge of middle-class parnassah pressures here. We’ve touched on the topic in our first episodes of The Parnassah Podcast. By now, most people are well aware that a low six-figure income isn’t much for a full-size family. The question is, what can someone do about it?
Moving Up the Ladder
The top incomes are often reserved for those who can bring in new business directly by finding clients, securing deals, and the like. It’s possible that a staff accountant can network and brand themselves so that firm revenue is clearly based on their presence.
Those who bring in clients and deals to companies are often referred to as rainmakers. I don’t like the arrogance and pagan origin embedded in that word, so we’ll use rainhelpers instead. A firm’s rainhelpers command much higher incomes or even get offered a partnership stake. Some rainhelpers make sales all day, while others are professionals but, due to their expertise, networks, and public profiles, control revenue and are rewarded with a good chunk of that. Otherwise, they move out to the competition or open their own firms. Either way, learning to bring in and retain clients or make the firm more money is a good way to boost income.
Side Hustles
But what about those who aren’t schmoozers or otherwise don’t have realistic pathways to capture client revenues? When someone has reached their max income potential in one space, they may be able to open a side hustle to at least cover the shortfalls that the primary job leaves. Side hustles run the gamut of doing freelance work, teaching a course, opening a small business around a hobby, seeking real estate deals, making equity connections, and on and on. Side hustles especially make sense for those with typical nine-to-five jobs; there’s often room to build something solid on the side, over nights and weekends.
Tech Tools
Everyone has different approaches to technology usage, but often, some level of usage can significantly ease the side hustle. Researching a new business is easier than ever. Communicating with existing and potential clients is easier than ever. Billing and receiving payment is easier than ever. Ask your shailos and proceed accordingly.
Not Hishtadlus?
Years ago, a fellow struggling with parnassah told me that doing a particular act was surely not part of his chiyuv hishtadlus. I didn’t say so at the time, but I was wondering, How is he so confident? How to balance bitachon and hishtadlus is one of the most challenging questions of all. Over the generations, even very pious Jews often worked very hard under difficult conditions to eke out a living. Just because something is uncomfortable and time-consuming doesn’t mean it’s not included in hishtadlus. Too much, too little, or just right? We need to seek rabbinical guidance on where the proper balance lies.
Selling Socks?
Interestingly, regarding side hustles and hishtadlus, I once asked Rabbi Reuven Feinstein about someone who knows he needs $150,000 to pay his bills, but salaries for what he does max out at $100,000. Is that job sufficient hishtadlus? He told me no, but perhaps his wife could open a sock business in the basement of their home to supplement the rest.
Think you can’t make enough money from a small home-based sock business? That’s hishtadlus! Perhaps everyone will love your service and selection, and it will become a big business. Rav Reuven described how some peddlers from his youth on the Lower East Side became super wealthy despite very modest beginnings. The side hustle may actually be the hishtadlus for you.
Needs or Wants
We also need to consider what parnassah really means. “Posei’ach es yadecha u’masbia l’chol chai ratzon” means Hashem provides sustenance to all creatures. So why are so many people experiencing ongoing financial shortfalls despite an overabundance of sweat (b’zei’as apecha)? The parnassah that Hashem guarantees all creatures is living basics, not luxuries. Indeed, Rav Dessler z”tl encouraged simple living to lower the level of nisayon in maintaining one’s bitachon (Michtav M’Eliyahu, Sefer 1 Page 193). Although the definition of living basics surely varies, we can’t assume Hashem guarantees us whatever we decide is a must-have.
Communal Soul-Searching
Living standards are very much influenced communally, so certain things are beyond any one family’s control. I’m definitely not pointing fingers at people doing their best to pay the bills while living within communal norms. However, as a community, perhaps we need to think more deeply about how we collectively drive up standards and cost of living for each other. This stuff is way over my pay grade, but it’s something to think about.