The Splendid Outrage
After publishing a rather innocent piece about Dave Ramsey (who preaches rice-and-beans budgeting with the zeal of a wartime ration officer), the responses rolled in with all the charm of a food fight.
“You’ve watered him down!” cried one group. “Ramsey’s success requires tough love! Eat Lentils! Sacrifice joy! Live with less!”
“No, no,” huffed the other side. “This is lunacy! You expect frum families with twelve kids, ten yeshiva tuitions, and an urgent need for pastrami and acai bowls to save and invest? Impossible!”
Delightful. Two camps, both yelling, both partially right. And neither interested in nuance.
Let’s take a deep breath here. 
One Community, Infinite Calculators
You see, personal finance is not, despite the name, particularly personal when it’s shouted at you from a fellow from Tennessee. Or even if delivered by an uber-talented frum newsletter writer from Lakewood. Especially in our unconventional community, advice that works beautifully for one person may be utterly preposterous for another.
I know a yungerman who receives more in monthly support than a partner at a law firm. I know heimishe businessmen whose bank accounts are emptier than the danish platter after a fast day. Some think starting a business is divine hishtadlus; others think it’s a crime of false bitachon. Some plan a wedding like it’s a coronation; others flinch at the price of some kugel at the shmorg. Budgeters. Spenders. Dreamers. Spreadsheet fetishists. We’ve got the lot.
It’s Not Just Us… Except It Is
Yes, of course, America at large has its financial diversity — from the Tech bro-laden suburbs of Silicon Valley to the payday loan traps of the rural south.
But our frum world is something else entirely. Like a cholent pot of contradictions, we live together, daven together, and compete in silent financial one-upmanship with shocking unity. It’s beautiful. And bonkers. To be secure and sane, we must acknowledge the need to personalise our finances. Despite the frum world’s many similarities, we have huge, indeed huger, disparities, too.
Billionaires in Black Hats
You can walk into any given shul on a random Tuesday and see a man worth $300 million standing next to someone who’s debating whether he can afford to buy milk. Same coat, same hat, same daf. We send our kids to the same schools, plan simchas in the same halls, and read the same publications telling us that gashmiyus is feh, but here’s a 7-star Pesach program to die for.
And unlike in the broader world, our caterers, realtors, and seminary recruiters do not operate on sliding scales. They operate on collective delusion.
Let’s Talk Beliefs
We have a vast division of hashkafos and perspectives, too. Some believe women should work, must work. Others think women should not lift a pen unless it’s to write a note to the babysitter. Some believe in college b’emunah shleima; others believe it leads straight to kefirah. Some think taking charity is par for the course, others would sooner eat last week’s gefilte fish for breakfast than ask for help. Is it any wonder that financial advice, no matter how well-meaning, ricochets wildly in a community like this?
The Frum Funhouse of Life Stage
Frum financial stages can be like funhouse mirrors: funny, disproportionate, unpredictable, and deeply unsettling. You may start out being supported like a minor noble, then wake up one day to discover you’re expected to earn six figures while simultaneously buying a huge house, a fancy minivan, and 100 pounds of cowboy steak, sushi, and caviar weekly.
Later, just when your non-frum peers are planning their empty-nest vacations, you’ll BH be making a chasunah, or two, or three.
Eventually, the obligatory chasunah and kollel support costs drop off, just in time for 50 eineklach schools’ dinner invites, KH.
This is not to complain, chas v’shalom. We love our beautiful lives. But money advice that sounds brilliant at one frum life stage will seem like utter nonsense at another.
Klei Kodesh All Look the Same
We can even have two people who both wear kapottes and speak at endless parlor meetings, with one receiving generous monthly stipends from his many admirers while the other is ducking creditors and writing his shiurim by candlelight. One has in-laws with deep pockets, the other has in-laws who borrow his toaster. One gets Section 8, the other gets hives from bumping into his landlord. And yet we may think, hope, pretend, that the same rules apply across the board. But, in reality, whatever money rules and guidelines you hear, be prepared to adapt them to YOUR circumstances, needs, and preferences.
Some Rules Are Golden
True, certain universal truths endure. Always seek the klal gadol b’finance. Hashem is in charge. Daven. Spend less than you earn. Avoid credit card debt like a yenta on a mission to unpack your kishkes with a fork. Invest early. Embrace index funds. Let compounding do its magical, slow-motion snowball thing. Understand how tax brackets work so you don’t send Uncle Sam extra money unnecessarily. Some things are fundamental.
Rules of Thumb (and Where to Break Them)
But when it comes to personal finance details, you must be prepared to tailor. Rules of thumb are like off-the-rack suits. They’re fine, convenient, and work well, as long as you hem and tuck as needed. Can’t save 10-20% of your income? Save 5%, and level up when you can. Can’t afford a house in the “heart” of Heimishtown? Find a different zip code. Or a smaller house. Or a rental. Does shopping for sales make you nauseous? Find one or two reasonably priced stores for each category and stick to regular products. You don’t need to throw out the idea because it doesn’t fit straight off the rack. Learn the principle, and then tailor it.
Get a Good Tailor
So, even when it comes to my shitos, take what works, tailor to your specifics, and discard the rest. When money matters get too complicated to customize on your own, don’t be too proud or frugal to ask for help. A good tax professional, budget coach, or investment advisor will help you do what’s appropriate and comfortable. If it seems to you that THEY’RE just sticking to rules of thumb, close your wallet, quick! Your financial journey is yours, not your neighbor’s, mechutan’s, Eli Fried’s, and definitely not Dave Ramsey’s! That’s the key point. Make personal finance personal.