Is Everyone Wealthy?
There’s a common frum misperception that “everyone” is rolling in dough—everyone else, that is. After all, look at all the bustling, high-end stores, glossy ads, exotic vacations, massive mansions, lavish simchas, and opulent events. The sense that one is missing out on their share of society’s unlimited wealth generates much angst, making many wonder what secret they are missing that’s causing them to fall behind. Some people are extremely ashamed if they need to request tuition discounts or assistance with weddings, while others feel they must spend more than they can afford, even if that means going into debt.
Most Are in the Middle
But the fact is, most of the community just about gets by financially, more or less. Sure, a small percentage are super well-off, and another fraction are, sadly, desperately poor. But these extremes stand out, giving the false impression that everyone is either earning millions and “living it up” or surviving only on regular Tomchei Shabbos packages. In reality, most people fall into the middle class. And there’s absolutely no shame or worry in that reality.
A Picture from the Nishma Survey
Bear in mind that it’s hard, almost impossible, to get a totally accurate picture of a community’s income and expenses, no matter what the surveys, research, and anecdotes express. However, despite these limitations, multiple data sources clarify that on a big-picture level, simplistic assumptions about how great “everyone” is doing aren’t true. For example, Nishma Research published the results of a survey on the finances of Orthodox Jewish life back in December 2021. And many GeltGuiders participated in a similar 2024 study run by Kosher Money.
These surveys asked frum people to provide hard numbers, such as annual income, assets, bank savings, and retirement savings, as well as their perceptions of their financial situation. The resulting reports are honest about potential survey inaccuracies—they were conducted mainly online, which skews the numbers, and many are hesitant to provide detailed specifics about their financial lives. Even so, the eye-opening results ring true.
What Are Families Really Earning?
According to the Kosher Money survey, as of mid-2024, the median frum household income was $150,000-$200,000, and 79% made less than $250,000. In other words, the vast majority of our community is not earning exorbitant incomes and, given the expenses of a basic frum lifestyle, most do not have lots of money for luxuries. When it comes to assets and investments, the picture is similar: over a third of families reported having under $50,000 in assets (excluding personal home equity), whereas less than 20% have savings of over $500,000. Only 11% reported having over $1 million in savings and investments. While some may be reluctant to report their incomes and assets accurately, it seems clear that the majority of our community is not as wealthy as many assume.
The 10-40-40-10 Distribution
A deeper look at the report shows that our community’s financial standing follows a bell curve, with a roughly 10-40-40-10 distribution. The upper 10% can comfortably afford not just basics but also luxuries, if they want them, and significant investments; they are also the ones who are heavily supporting our mosdos and their less wealthy counterparts. The next 40% is earning enough to make it on their own with a bit left over for some extras and modest savings, and investment. The lower 40% need government aid and family assistance to cover their budgets, and the lowest 10% are not making it at all—they are regularly heavily supported by communal tzedakah funds, on top of social programs.
I wouldn’t put too much stock in any one survey, but this frum-focused research generally aligns with other data sources, including IRS tax data and Pew Research Center studies. More vague but most credible, anecdotal evidence from people with access to the community’s broader financial picture, such as school administrators, askanim, and accountants, reinforces our assertion that our financial bell curve mirrors that of the general American population. True, the income numbers are skewed higher, but so are our expenses.
Appearances Are Deceiving
If this is the real picture of our community’s earning capacity, why does it seem like everyone is making lavish chasunahs, building massive homes, taking first-class annual family vacations, and donating large sums to tzedakah?
Firstly, just because someone is making a fancy simchah or driving a luxury vehicle doesn’t mean they can afford it; there’s a tremendous amount of debt being utilized by those who choose to live beyond their means (airline miles play a part too!). A lot of conspicuous spending is driven by those trying desperately to “keep up with the Cohns”.
Secondly, many middle– and lower-tier earners are getting significant help from their much wealthier family members, enabling them to spend well beyond their own income-generating capabilities.
The Magnified Extreme
This second point opens up a window into the larger distortionary factor of communal economics: the magnified effect produced by top tiers of income and wealth. Think of it this way:
There are about 15,000 frum families in the broader Lakewood area. Assuming 10 percent are earning big bucks, that means there are 1,500 families with significant earning power, more than enough to support many luxury restaurants, car dealers, jewelry stores, clothing boutiques, and party planners. And these stores and vendors will logically upgrade their wares and market them heavily. After all, there’s a lot of money at stake, even though the real target market is relatively small.
To illustrate how extreme this disparity and segmentation can get, take a look at the small chart included here. Seventy-five families can earn as much or more than 7,500 families! I don’t know the exact average annual income of the bottom 50% of our community’s households (7,500 families) vs. the top-earning 0.5 percent (750 families), but those numbers can be illustrative. Regardless of the specific amounts, it demonstrates that even a small number of outliers earning massive sums can have an astounding impact on a group’s finances. Though this group is a tiny sliver of our community, it makes a huge economic splash.
The Takeaway: Adjust Our Attitudes
Bottom line, much of our financial stress is artificial, based on the perception that everyone else has it much better than we do. In reality, the vast majority are just making it, and when a large expense like a chasunah arises, or some crisis brews, many are getting significant assistance from wealthy family members or borrowing money to pay for it.
While it may be true that the small percentage of uber-wealthy families shouldn’t raise the bar excessively (and very many of them don’t), others shouldn’t be trying to run after them, spending-wise. Throwing a lavish simchah you can’t afford, or building a mansion with only massive mortgages, usually doesn’t fool anyone.
Realizing that nearly everyone you know is in the same general financial orbit as you can alleviate much of the pressure to put on a façade. And knowing that many in our community need some sort of financial aid at some point, despite working hard and living modestly, can remove the shame and guilt one feels when compelled to seek such assistance. Chazal said it long ago: “Eizehu ashir? Ha’sa’me’ach b’chelko.” It’s all in our minds.