When frum Jews are polled about what stresses them out, yeshiva tuition always rises to the top of the list. Without access to state tuition vouchers, there is no easy way to reduce this heavy burden. However, I would still like to propose a number of approaches to lighten the load a bit.
This is not a comprehensive list; please share if you’ve got others. And please don’t take offense if some of these ideas seem far-fetched or trivial to you. For most people, the ideas below are, at best, small band-aids, not a cure. BH, we need to keep brainstorming and working on impactful solutions as a community. But in the meantime, some combination of these smaller stop-gap measures may help.
Attitude Is Everything
Before some technical tips, let’s talk attitude. Maintaining a positive attitude can lighten any burden, and a balanced perspective frames the proper hishtadlus needed to be undertaken. The number one perspective to maintain regarding yeshiva tuition is that although the check sizes are large, Hashem is providing us all with special siyata dishmaya to help us cover our tuition obligations (Beitza 16a).
Yeshiva tuition should also be viewed as a vital investment in our children’s futures. The alternative educational options fall far short on many levels. For good reason, non-yeshivah options aren’t even on the table for the overwhelming majority of Orthodox Jews. So this big financial outlay offers unlimited upside potential! Hazorim b’dimah b’rina yiktzoru. BH, you will treasure the net outcome of your tuition expenditures.
It’s a Partnership
Another vital attitude is viewing yeshivos as partners, not adversaries. For the most part, school educators and administrators have the same goal as you do, which is the spiritual growth, social development, and educational success of your child. But im ain kemach ain torah. The financial stability of the school and staff must be secured in order for your child to thrive. Viewing the yeshiva as a vital and equal partner sets the tone for the entire relationship, including the sometimes uncomfortable conversations about tuition obligations.
Open and Honest Communication
As with any good partnership, be open, honest, and communicative with the school’s tuition committee and finance office. They will be far more willing to offer discounts and flexibility to those who are clearly trying their best to work with them in concert. Calmly and firmly, explain your circumstances, what you can afford, when and why. It’s definitely a bit embarrassing, but the schools largely understand that most people can’t easily pay massive tuition bills, especially for multiple children.
Once agreements are made, parents need to do their best to follow them. But if your financial situation changes and you’ll be late on payments, let the school know as soon as possible and stay in touch. This shows good faith, that you take the school’s financial needs and your responsibility seriously. Nothing gives a partner more concern than when communication stops. You will get more pressure, not less, if you fail to communicate.
Shopping Around
It’s worth noting that some schools may charge significantly less tuition than others. Tuition discounts and scholarship policies may differ, too. If possible, you may be able to get a great school along with a financial obligation that’s more manageable. This may even mean bussing your children or moving to a different city. But it’s equally possible that you can’t be cost-sensitive when choosing yeshivos, whether due to lack of local options, space in a specific institution, or your hashkafos and your child’s needs.
Spreading Tuition Costs Out
In addition to lowering the overall tuition obligation, some schools may be able to offer flexibility on the timing of payments. If your income and liquidity fluctuates markedly from month to month and year to year, mention that. As long as you communicate and show good faith, the school may be fine if you carry even a large balance from time to time.
Even Far Out?
One out-of-the-box idea is to offer a soft pledge, bli neder, on an “if-possible” basis only, to donate a percentage of the tuition discount you seek, much further down the line. After your kids gain financial independence, making good on this may be doable without jeopardizing your future. Or not. Extending the years of payments to yeshiva to make it more affordable may seem like a painful prospect. But we do this all the time with other “investments,” like home purchasing or career training. Why not consider similarly investing in your kid’s future and the yeshiva system as a whole?
Work for the School
One common approach to bridging what the tuition committee expects and what parents can afford is working for the school in lieu of tuition. This may be in a teaching, administrative, or fundraising capacity. Depending on your skillset and time availability, this can be very impactful. Considering that staffing makes up the vast majority of a schools budget, lowering payroll helps the school cover its needs as much as dollars do. This approach can be a real win-win sometimes.
Part Tuition, Part Donation
All yeshivos offer scholarships which need to be paid for. Some schools’ approach to coming up with full tuition pricing is to add the cost of projected scholarships to the actual cost per student. In other words, “full tuition” is partially a subsidy to a needy family. Can that subsidy portion be tax deductible? I’ve heard some schools may be willing to formalize this reality, agreeing to something like, “Your tuition obligation is $8,000 and we hope and expect that you’ll donate another $4,000 toward our scholarship needs.” Definitely ask your accountant before doing anything tax related.
Maaser
Maaser has its own rules, and you may be able to deduct some or all of yeshiva tuition payments from your maaser calculations. This can make a big difference to a household budget. A quick Google search revealed that none other than my chashuve brother, Rabbi Baruch Fried, Dayan Bais Havaad of Lakewood, has a concise video and article on the topic. Reb Boruch knows more and writes better than I do, so instead of opining on the subject, I will leave you this link to his article.
https://baishavaad.org/maaser-for-tuition/
Grandparents
There’s a specific mention of grandparents having an obligation to perpetuate torah to their grandchildren (eg. Kiddushin 30a), and in general, karov karov kodem. While the communication can be a bit awkward, many Zaidies and Bubbies are glad to help cover yeshiva tuition, if they can and are made aware of the need. And even if parents can’t deduct tuition payments from maaser, grandparents probably can if their married kids need the help. Ask your LOR, of course.
Upgrading Is Gonna Cost You
A friend of mine, who today works as an administrator in one of the largest schools around, told me an illuminating anecdote that indirectly became an important part of his training.
He observed as an administrator treated two women who came to discuss tuition in a polar opposite fashion. To the first, he said, “Mrs. Cohn, you’re fine. Your account is in order. Please put away your checkbook.”
A short time later, the other woman came to ask for forbearance on her tuition, and was told that if a check was not delivered by the end of the week, she should please keep her children home until the accounts are settled. She tried to plead and cry for some understanding, to no avail, and was escorted out of the office.
The trainee was flabbergasted at the difference, so it was explained to him.
“The first woman is a widow, and even though we are happy to fundraise so as not to drain her meager income, she still tries her best to bring money to the school. The other woman is well known to be living flamboyantly, owning multiple luxury cars and taking 5-star vacations.”
Keep in mind that if you noticeably raise your standard of living, it will likely cost you when you sit down to negotiate tuition. No one wants to subsidize or fundraise for someone else’s extravagance. Of course there are sometimes mitigating circumstances, but the schools will need to buy in to them. This reality may seem harsh and unfair, but what alternative do school administrators have if some people don’t want to do their part?
Mesirus Nefesh for Chinuch
It is unfortunate, but sometimes the finances of a community can get testy and messy. As I wrote in a recent article, for the most part everyone is trying their best. There are some well-known stories about great gedolim who attributed their spiritual attainment to the sacrifices their parents made for their chinuch. Many of us are writing our own chinuch stories now. BH, it will pay off handsomely with abundant nachas and parnassah, too.
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