Goodbye Takanos? Hello Hanhagos? A Different Approach to Communal Belt-Tightening

October 28, 2024

Financial Perspectives

Takanos: A Retrospective

Everyone today is concerned about the high cost of living– and it only seems to be rising. When it comes to communal standards of living, many feel shlepped along, having to spend well beyond their comfort levels. This isn’t a new problem. We find the Gemara discussing the issue of people competing with each other in extravagant levaya costs until the chachamim, including Rabban Gamliel, put a stop to it by setting the example himself with his own simple funeral (Moed Katan, 27).

However, well-intended proposals to lower wedding expenses by setting takanos, universal communal standards, are usually met with varying degrees of apathy or even resistance. There are usually objections to having a small group of askanim and rabbanim make decisions for the entire wide tzibbur, as well as resentment at being told how one can spend his money. Since takanos affect a broad swath of the frum community, inevitably, some groups will legitimately find them impractically restrictive, while others find them too extravagant.

How Escalation Happens

In reality, a quest to manage the costs of accepted simcha standards is a never-ending battle because of the natural escalation that takes place over time. Human nature is such that people want their own simcha to be special, which means doing more than everyone else. After a while, what was once considered extravagant becomes the norm– in which case, those who want to stand out need to come up with something even more eye-popping. And thus, standards evolve and escalate.

Even in Chassidishe communities, which have had more success with takanos—not surprising considering their more cohesive and monolithic nature, takanos tend to be re-adjusted every decade or two as standards slowly creep upwards again. For a proposal to work, it needs to lower the competitive edge from the simcha planning while being realistic about this natural escalation over time.

A New Proposal: Hanhagos

One thing that does seem to work in some circles is kehilla-specific hanhagos. It’s still well-accepted that each kehilla is entitled to establish its own modes of behavior and standards when it comes to shul-related activities. Do people wear a hat or a gartel when they daven for the amud? Is there a drasha each week? No one questions a kehillah’s right to establish such standards, and anyone joining the shul understands that being part of the tzibbur means following their rules.So some shuls extend this to include simcha standards, too.

To start with, a kehillah can easily establish standards for simchas that take place within the shul. How lavish can a kiddush be? Hot food or only cold? How much liquor? From a regular Shabbos kiddush, they can expand these rules to include simchas like aufrufs and bar mitzvahs. And, based on the particular Rav’s vision and the kehilla’s interests, it’s not unreasonable to move from this hanhaga concept to weddings, engagement gifts, or even other standards of living. It’s much more complicated once mechutanim are involved, but it’s possible for them to at least ask, “Our shul encourages x, y, and z; are you okay with that?”

The Beauty of Hanhagos

While people don’t like having rules imposed upon them by outsiders, many may accept shul standards. Hahagos have more of a suggestive nature, which lowers the resistance bar versus obligatory rules. Those struggling financially certainly appreciate limits on the lavishness of an event, and the middle tiers often don’t care much either way. Even those who desire and can easily afford an expensive simcha usually accept the need for hanhagos. Once it’s an agreed-upon decision by your own friends and neighbors, rather than rules imposed by strangers, people are generally more than willing to comply. It also slightly limits the tzedaka needs they will be hit up for, which can get overwhelming even for those with very deep pockets!

The Liquor Gemach

By way of example, here are two simple community hanhagos that I’ve seen easily implemented. Good liquor is quite expensive, and much of it doesn’t get used, leaving the ba’al simcha with 20 half-drunk bottles of whiskey he has nothing to do with. With a shul liquor gemach, the leftover liquor goes back into the gemach collection, to be used for the next simcha. If each ba’al simcha contributes two or three new bottles, that will be more than enough to maintain an adequate supply for each event. This becomes the new custom, saving everybody money while keeping the mashke flowing.

The Décor Gemach

Another easy savings idea relates to decor and party planning. In recent years, the level of décor expected at a simcha has escalated considerably. A décor gemach can reduce this competition and save the ba’alei simcha significant money by providing shul members with a selection of tablecloths, glassware, centerpieces, and props for their event. Perhaps they can even commission a party planner to arrange and photograph several décor designs on a one time basis. Ba’alei simcha then choose from the options and copy the pictured setups. The savings are considerable, and (almost) everyone wins.

Warmer, Happier Simchas for All

Ultimately, no one enjoys the stress of overextending themselves or the feeling that making a simcha is a competitive sport. With set hanhagos for each kehillah, the ba’alei simcha can focus on enjoying their special occasion. Added to that pleasure is the knowledge that they aren’t causing their guests envy or agmas nefesh and don’t need to worry about ayin hara.

A wedding is a special occasion and the celebration is supposed to reflect that. The answer is not to tone down a chasunah to the point of austerity; rather, the goal is communal customs which help make these occasions as enjoyable as possible for everyone. And even small changes can change the tide.